Of eyes and looks: Translating Bharathiyar’s Suttum Vizhi Sudar
Let’s begin with one of the best translations I’ve seen so far.
Is that sparkle of the eyes the dual light?
Is that black sphere the dark night?
Your indigo saree with diamonds sown
Are they the stars that night has shown?
The halo from the wild flower
Is that thy smile my lover?
The waves that the sea does hold
Are they thy bosom’s sweet fold?The cuckoo’s sound of soulful note
In thy voice sweet does it float?
A maiden like a budding grove
Kannamma I have fallen in thy love.Of rules do thee to me speak
Do rules stand for passion’s peak?
Later I shall do the laws elders seek.
How shall I wait? Here, a kiss on thy cheek.
Sharanya takes it, and does wonders. I like the way Kannamma has been interpreted.
PRECIOUS AS THE EYE
(a transcreation of the Tamil poem Suttum Vizhichudadar by Subramanya Bharathi)Those eyes of yours, Kannamma, blaze
more brilliant than the sun or moon.
They smoulder with the darkness of the skies.
Your saree a silken midnight shimmering with stars
Your smile the radiance of a forest aflame
The tides of your heart like those of the ocean
Your voice the song of the sweetest koel
Woman precious as the eye, my
Love fills me with turbulence.
You speak of fortunes, my heart, but for those
enraged with passion, what need is there for fortunes?
With the elders’ consent we will marry, but let that wait –
But if I could wait – here! Allow me, a kiss upon your cheek.
I remember Chenthil translating this once, and the two of us got into a little argument over the way he’d translated nenjin alaigal. But I am unable to find his version. Chenthil, can you post it as a comment, please?
Anyway, here’s mine. Wholesale reinterpretation rather than a translation. No metre. No rhyme. Make of it as you will.
That searing glance, as pungent as the sun’s, as soothing as the moon’s, yours my precious, my iris.
Those deep eyes, pools of never ending black, the night’s sky, yours my precious, my iris.
Not stars winking on a clear night, but the diamonds on glistening silk you drape.
That radiant smile, like countless wild flowers opening up to the sun.
The curves of your breasts, the ups and the downs, as enchanting as the blue waves by the shore.
The timbre of your voice, as pleasing as the call of the wood’s sparrow.
I’m smitten my precious, my iris, my gypsy girl.
What code can hold me, moved as I am in passion.
The rituals elders demand can wait. Come here, love.
Let us have a kiss.





January 4th, 2010 - 07:35
I was about to wonder why and what gives the arrogance and to what end.
Then I remembered the Chinese poet Yang Lian who said translation of poetry actually enhances value. Maybe, by translation he did not mean just language but time as well.
In sum, I guess I have nothing say. Which was obvious.
January 4th, 2010 - 11:38
Excellent work.
Regarding Translation.
If mere words had been translated, there is no soul or life in the translated work. However, one not only should understand the work, interpret the meaning in between lines, butMORE THAN ANYTHING EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY OF OF THE POEM DEEP FROM SOUL. iT LIKENS MORE LIKE rASAKRIDI OF kRISHNA WHEN EVERY gBIS FELT THE PRESENSE OF kRISHNA WITHIN.
January 4th, 2010 - 13:07
Here is my version
Thy glowing eyes – Kannamma
Are they the sun and the moon?
Thy black eyeballs – Kannamma
Is that the dark hue of the sky?
Glittering diamonds-In
thy dark blue silk sari
Are shining stars – seen
in the middle of the night.
Garden flower’s brightness – Is that
thy alluring smile?
Waves of the blue ocean – Are
thy bosom’s thoughts.
Enchanting melody of the cuckoo- Is
thy sweet voice.
Innocent girl are you – Kannamma
I am in love with thee.
You talk of tradition – Kannamma
Who needs that?
For those in a hurry – Kannamma
Is tradition a hurdle?
If elders accept – our wedding
Shall happen later.
Can I wait till then – here
Let me kiss you on the cheek.
As far as Nenjin Alaigal – I have opted for “bosom’s thoughts” instead of your “curves of the breast.” Nenjin alaigal is a common phrase in Tamil where mostly it is meant as rocking thoughts inside the heart. I haven’t read anywhere of it being used as physical curves.
Anyhow, my biggest grouse with your transcreation is the use of the word iris. Somehow it doesn’t read well.
Agnibharathi’s version reads the best of the lot.
January 4th, 2010 - 15:04
Here is Yang Lian holding fort on the subject: http://yanglian.net/yanglian_en/translate.html
June 18th, 2010 - 10:10
Below is a pointer to my translation attempt on this sometime back.
http://thoughtrickles.blogspot.com/2010/03/suttum-vizhi-chudar-thaan.html